I don't believe in soul mates

I love Billy beyond words. I couldn't imagine doing life without him. He is my rock and my best friend. We make a team that is unbreakable, even in the toughest of times. However, he is not my soul mate.

Interestingly enough, I do believe in soul mates--Billy just isn't mine yet. 

I read a blog recently that detailed almost the same emotions that I have always used to describe my take on relationships, marriage, and soul mates that inspired this post..

Hannah, the blog writer, and I both agree that we think there is no one person out there for everyone. There are probably a lot of qualified men to take the role of "person whom I will soon drive crazy." Of course, timing is everything as well as a mutual desire to make things work--we all know what I mean by those things.

Our first picture together as an official couple

Billy and I were lucky enough to cross paths at a great time in our lives. We had had time to find ourselves in college, and become comfortable with who we were as individuals, thus making us finally ready to settle down into a serious relationship that had potential of working without all the petty drama that most couples our age were going through. We were close enough to starting our big people lives, yet still close enough to being kids that we still were able to relax and not have the stresses of the real world that came after college. He was the first to graduate, and since we had such a solid foundation started in our relationship, we were able to make long distance work well. Baseball prepared me well for that. I graduated a year later and was so beyond blessed to find a job in Atlanta near Billy. We are still going strong after 3 and a half years of him being my main squeeze.

I really hope he pops the question any day now. I am so ready to start a marriage and share my life more with him. I have realized that, at this point in my life, he is the right one for me. Life makes perfect sense him, and I want to make many memories with him and little Miss Casey Michelle.

At the cabin our first Christmas together

I know you're thinking, if Billy's not my soul mate, then why am I wanting to run to the little white church and become Mrs. Henley?! Well, I believe soul mates are made, not born. I really established my firm feelings towards this in high school so this isn't a sudden idea that has popped up in to the danger zone known as my brain. I even believe I mentioned it as one of my random Liebster facts somewhere along the road. I decided that I felt this way many moons ago, because I saw that many people are able to have more than one happy, successful marriage, therefore I don't believe that that magic can only exists with one person.

I believe that soul mates are created after years of love, experience, hard work, and companionship. Soul mates are those two people that are able to sit in silence for hours, and walk away feeling like they have had the best conversation of their life. Soul mates are two people that can read each others thoughts and finish their sentences. They know each other inside and out. They know all of their best stories, because they lived it with them.
Whenever an older person would pass away, my wise grandma would say, their spouse would follow soon, because the other would die of heartache. The closest of those couples would always follow that prediction. Those are soul mates.. people who have developed such a deep, loving, overwhelming love for each other that life was not worth living without the other half of their being.

I hope that when I am older, wiser, and more worn, that I am still holding Billy's calloused, tender hand. He is my world. I hope that we continue to grow more in love with each other with each passing day. I hope that we become each other's soul mate. In time, work, laughter, tears, pain, and endless joy, I know it will be possible.

I want a love like that..

Warning: This is going to be a rather sentimental post; so if you're not feeling it, I suggest you turn around now.

I often wonder about married life. What's it like to get used to being called wife? What it's like to be with someone for THAT long. I pray I am more in love with the man I marry after 50 something years than I was the day I married him. I hope I have a man that loves me unconditionally regardless of what life throws our way.

This was taken on their 50th wedding anniversary in the same place they took their wedding pictures in 1953.

These are my grandparents. You can call them Grandma and Granddaddy if you'd like. Sometimes people call him Uncle Russell, but he won't notice the different. This sweet duo will have been married SIXTY years in June. They have been each other's rock and best friend all these years. I want that.

I know you're thinking, sure great, two people married for a very long time. Sweet, but whatever.. but that's only half the romance. The real reason I want a marriage like theirs comes from the fact that, through sickness and in health, they are still side by side, hand in hand. You see, even though it's not even remotely romantic at all, but I still want a love like that.

At 80 years old, my grandfather has no idea who his wife of 59 years is. He suffers from Alzheimer  and has for about the past 7-ish years. We really don't know when it set in, because it came in somewhat gradual, we couldn't pin point his behavior on a disease at a time, and just blamed it on him being old.

It's a terrible circumstance, but their love has shown me exactly what I need and should be in a marriage. My grandmother is still his primary care giver day in and day out. As she's aged and grown tired of the constant care that he requires and now welcomes and accepts daily help from my mom, aunts, and uncles. My heart aches for her and how much I know she misses the man she loves, but my heart is overcome with pride when I see the amount of love she still has for that man.

She still honors him as she had their entire marriage, she still treats him with compassion, love, patience, and respect. He has no idea who he is, where he is, who she is, and is about as coherent as a toddler, but she still treats him like a human being and not a degenerate. Take for instance this past Easter weekend. As he's grown older and weaker, he doesn't wander near as often or far and has started to stay pretty stationary. He sat in his recliner and didn't move most of the afternoon. When it came time for everyone to fix their plates and begin eating, we encouraged grandma to go first in line, but she declined and said she was going to sit with granddaddy, when I looked and saw her, she was sitting in the chair beside him holding his hand with the most gentle glow about her. It hit me hard just how beautiful that moment was. Through sickness and in health, richer or for poorer, better or worse, she has not left his side and is still ever so faithfully loving him and plans to till her very last breath.

 I want that--to be loved unconditionally, wholly, deeply, forever, for always, till it's God's time for us to part. I pray that the husband that God chooses for me loves me and treats me the same way my grandparents do.

Everything is you

Eternal flame came on the radio
And I remember how you loved it so
Memories sneak on me, wherever I go

A car like you used to drive
Pulled beside me today at the light
Chances break and cry wherever I go

And you want me to be strong, any less just shows I'm weak
How'd ya turn so cold, where's the girl I used to know

Chorus:
And it's love and hate and all these emotions
I never thought that you'd be going
I'm just going through the motions
Where everything is you, everything is you

An inside joke comes to mind
We'd wear them out all the time
Memories sneak up on me wherever I go

And it seems you've disappeared, though you're not that far away
Please tell me it's not true, I didn't mean that much to you

And it's love and hate and all these emotions
I never thought that you'd be going
I'm just going through the motions
Where everything is you, everything is you

What did I do wrong, nothing I treated you like an angel
What did I do wrong, nothing I treated you like an angel
What did I do wrong, nothing I treated you like an angel
I treated you like an angel

And it's love and hate and all these emotions
I never thought that you'd be going
I'm just going through the motions
Where everything is you, everything is you

I treated you like an angel...