January 28, 2008
2008. Time has really slipped past me this year, but a lot has changed, grown, and happened within it. I've noticed myself looking back and not actually reminiscing, but more like surveying the changes from then to now. Friends have been made and lost, bonds broken and severed, out with the old in with the new, broken hearts and promises, growing up and moving on are all just bits and pieces of the effects of the passage of time. For instance New years eve last year was wet and muggy, and my mind was being spent thinking about the changes and my hopes and fairytale like dreams that I was going to experience in 2007 (my plans were then to spend the rest of my life with the man of my dreams, fear of graduation.. ect ect). None of my visions came true except for those of high school graduation.
This year new years eve consisted of my realization that life has more to offer than what we believe it does. Everything isn't about lovers and friends. It's also about making yourself happy; seeing the world, doing something you never thought you'd do, meeting people, learning, putting yourself and loved ones as your first priority, self respect, achieving worthwhile dreams and not just those of fairy tales. I realized that that man of my dreams is incredibly worthless and spineless, and that graduation was one of the most significant, painless, and life changing things I've ever done.
I think the biggest change I have experienced this year though is the simple fact of maturing. Don't get me wrong, I'm still the same foolish & hardheaded girl I've always been, at least in my eyes, but I've really gotten a grasp on reality this year.. Parts of me have opened up and others have closed, but all in all I'm still the same Megan I've always been. I've become more independent. I've also learned that even though life throws us curve balls at time, I've learned you still have to swing as hard as you can so that it lessens your chances of missing the ball or more prophetically missing out on what life has to offer.
This year I plan to soak in every moment I can with my dad, it could very well be my last chance to. I plan to take things to the limit so that they will be worth remembering. I plan to continue surrounding myself with people that mean the world to me. I hope to continue creating myself into someone that I am proud to be. I really want to start seeing a lot of different places, traveling as much as i possibly can, along with continue to attend any concert I have to chance to. Opposed to last year I hoped that 2007 would hold love for me, this year I hope that 2008 will be filled with experiences and something that I can look back on with a smile and pride. I wish for these things more so than I do love or any other things people hope to find in the coming year. Quite frankly, I don't expect love. Although, if love comes with in the months to come, I'll accept it graciously and just ask it is worthwhile this time. I hope this time though, it would be "real'; something filled with passion, honesty, an intimate connection, and possibility.
Within the first 3 weeks things for 2008 have started unraveling for the best, and I hope things keep this way. It may only be a matter of time before this good streak comes to a screeching halt, but in the meantime I'm not letting the fear of striking out keep me from enjoying my time in the batter's box.