I don't like Christmas. Quite frankly, I hate Christmas.
I know the that Christmas isn't about all of the things I hate it for--the stupid family gatherings, being rushed and guilted to see everyone, buying gifts, never getting the gifts I actually asked for or even wanted, the ugly Christmas lights, tacky Christmas decore, cramming in things we should be doing all year into 1 or 2 weeks time. It's all a load of crock, and I hate every single thing about Christmas. I would just assume go to church on Christmas Eve, celebrate the meaning and purpose of Christmas, and be done with the whole event all together.
I just don't get why people love this time of the year so much. I get angry thinking of all the fake smiles I have to put on, all the disapointed Christmas mornings I had (my parents did the best they could, but that doesn't make it suck any less), all the people expecting me to be here and be there when I don't want to be anywhere but my bed..
I don't decorate my apartment. I don't even own a single decoration. I turn the radio when Christmas music turns on. I am usually able to hide the fact and forget that it's "that time of year" until the weekend before, and I was able to do that again this year. Today, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was filled with rage and sadness all at the same time. It's unbelievable that I can feel this way about a single day of the year, especially one that's supposed to be so joyous.
I apologize that these past two posts have been negative rants, I promise next year, after all this garbage is over that I will turn over a new, more positive leaf.