Things you thought, but never thought to say..

A friend posted this on FaceBook the other day, and I found it hilarious. Most of which are things you and I have thought of, but just never voiced it or wrote it down or after reading, you'll think, "Woah, so true!"

ENJOY! :)


I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?

Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

That's enough, Nickelback.

I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.

Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.

There is a great need for sarcasm font.

Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the f ** was going on when I first saw it.

I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.

The other night I hit a new low at an open bar. I had already hopped on highway blackout when, inevitably I had to find a bathroom. Eventually I decided it was probably on the other side of the bar so I tried to walk over there, but ran into a guy coming the other way. We played that, Both go left, Both go right game to no avail, so I finally put out my hand to guide myself past and that's is when I realized, yup, that's a mirror I just tried to walk through. And the guy on the other side is me. Even cats can re cognize their own image.

How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
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> I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
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> The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.
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> A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.
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> Was learning cursive really necessary?
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> Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".
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> I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
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> Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.
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> My brother's Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads. Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired about the name. He explained, "Cuz we beat you, and you hate us." Classy, bro.
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> Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".
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> How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
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> I love the sense of camaraderie when a n entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
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> Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"
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> What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?
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> While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.
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> MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
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> Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
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> I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
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> Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
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> I would like to officially coin the phrase 'catching the swine flu' to be used as a way to make fun of a friend for hooking up with an overweight woman. Example: "Dave caught the swine flu last night."
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> I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
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> Bad decisions make good stories
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> Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!
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> Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?
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> If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.
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> Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....
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> You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
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> Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.
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> There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
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> I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
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> "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.
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> I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'
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> While watching the Olympics, I find myself cheering equally for China and USA. No, I am not of Chinese descent, but I am fairly certain that when Chinese athletes don't win, they are executed.
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> I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
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> I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
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> When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
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> I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
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> Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...
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> As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
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> Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
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> It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
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> I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
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> I think that if, years down the road when I'm trying to have a kid, I find out that I'm sterile, most of my disappointment will stem from the fact that I was not aware of my condition in college.
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> Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.
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> Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...
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> My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?
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> It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.
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> I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.
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> I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
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> I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.
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> The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimate d that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There's nothing like being made to feel like a fat bastard before dinner.

The dreaded Job hunt

I absolutely, from the bottom of my heart, hate job hunting. I've been home for about a month now, and I haven't found anything yet. Granted, I've been searching a little at a time expecting something will eventually fall in my lap like it always has. I just get very frustrated, because I'm not the type of person, nor have I got desperate enough, to just walk office to office and ask if they are hiring. Instead, I search by word of mouth. I ask if anyone has heard of businesses hiring, or I'll ask if they have any connections to someone who might want little ol' me to work for them.

P.S. this method hasn't worked thus far..

I guess desperate times call for desperate measures. I don't HAVE to get a job, but If I want to enjoy Summer I damn well better get one.

Hopefully tomorrow I'll have at least some sort of luck. More than likely I won't, but I figured I should at least act positive.

He's just NOT that into you..

Years ago I heard of this book; I think on a forum or something like that. I just never looked into it. I kind of figured it'd be on the shelf right next to The Complex Infrastructure known as the Female Mind.
A few nights ago, I was reading quotes online, and found quote after quote after QUOTE from this book. I was thinking about buying the book to read it's entirety. If they didn't have me laughing, they had me nodding in agreement. Shortly there after, a preview came on Tv for a movie that had been inspired by the same book. The deal was made, and I went and bought it yesterday! (Shocker, I know, I bought a book!)
Right, now I'm about 3/4 of the way finished. It's a little it's witty and honest - much like me. I've laughed. I've contimplated. I've came to grasp with some of my awful/unhealthy habits. Most importantly, I've decided to take a new outlook on dating.
I'm thinking this will be helpful, because I wont be valuable time making excuses for someone who apparently doesn't deserve it. I'll save myself a lot of tears, wasted hours by the phone, heartache, unanswered questions, and most importantly lost time! I mean, why am I still hanging onto the ass that hasn't call me, when I can find someone who won't forget to(You call it "forget." I call it "chose not to").
Oh yes, Now comes the time when I am supposed to tell you to rush to Barnes and Noble or open a new browser to amazon.com. Notice I said NEW BROWSER; keep reading my stuff - don't x out. But yes, this book is actually a breath of fresh air. It's brutaly honest but eye opening at the same time. It's simplicity will make you feel somewhat.. well, stupid for not realizing these things before.

I still remember.

2 years. 1 day.

I bet you forgot just like I almost had. That's how long it's been since Stephanie's accident.
I hadn't forgot, but it almost slipped my mind until I drove by the site today. Every time I go by, I blow a kiss. When I went by today, as soon as my fingers touched my lips, I remembered that yesterday was the anniversary.
Before I went home, I went and visited her grave. That's the first time I've been since her funeral. I expected myself to be emotional, but I can honestly say that sitting there on the granite around her plot was a somewhat humbling experience. I just thought about her and the girl she once was, and wondered where she might have been today.
I miss her loving heart, and thank God I was able to call that wonderful girl my friend.

The other night I had the TIME OF MY LIFE at the Jason Coley concert. I've been doing everything I possibly could to help promote this show in order to get a Jason's name out in and around the streets of Athens. Wearing Tshirts, passing out handies and keychains to random customers, putting up posters in and around Athens, and of course polluting everyone's myspace pages with Jason's pictures..
I was a little dissapointed to say the least with the turn out.. I did a lot and not many people showed. Actually, most of the people that did show were friends and family and then my small group of friends.
I had a great time none the less. Jason, Chris, and the rest of Jason's entourage were incredibly kind and wonderful people. I was excited to see Brantley Gilbert showed up, and even more excited to finally meet Chris.
My lucky butt got drug up on stage by Jason during "Come a little closer" for a dance. While I was up there, he told me thank you again for everything I did to help out for that show. He is a total sweetheart, and considering how thankful he was I really didn't mind all the work I had put in after all. I really want to catch them again soon.. sooner than what I had originally assumed.
So definately check these talented guys out!!
They put on a Jam Packed GREAT show! Love Love LOVED it!!

You've lost that lovin' feeling

Saving Amy

Saving Amy- Brantley Gilbert



Amy’s got the letters I wrote
My picture in a frame
She’s had a year to let go
She still wears my ring
It hasn’t left her finger since the night that I proposed
When I promised her forever before i took her home
But I never made it home that night
A part of her died too
I watched her losing her mind
And there’s nothing I can do
Yea sometimes she goes crazy screaming out my name
Saying baby please come and save me
I wish she knew I’d do anything

To kiss the tears right off her face
Tell her everything’s ok
Feel her heart beat next to mine
And make up for lost time
Oh but God I know I can’t
You can’t let her live this way
It’s too late for saving me
But there’s still hope for saving Amy

Now 3 years have gone by
She’s trying to live her life
And I still watch sometimes
Just to make sure she’s alright
She knows I’ll always be there
In her heart and in her dreams
God, I promised that forever and that’s one promise I am taking

To kiss the tears right off her face
Tell her everything’s’ ok
Feel her heartbeat next to mine
Make up for lost time
Oh but god I know I can’t
But you can’t let her live this way
It’s too late for saving me
But there’s still hope for saving Amy
Saving Amy

I’ll kiss the tears right off her face
When I walk her through these gates
Feel her heartbeat next to mine
Make up for lost time
God I thank you everyday
For giving a her that house of faith
That led her right back here to me
And most of all for saving Amy
Saving Amy
Thank you god for saving Amy

I've learned to expect the unexpected.

My family never ceases to amaze me by how crazy/weird they are. The other night I came home somewhat late, late for my parents atleast, and my mom wasn't here. Dad said that she had her nose up in someone's business at my aunt's house. Honestly, that wasn't the part that surprised me. I've come to expect my mom to be in the middle of family matters no matter what the situation. He gave me a quick run down of the story, basically my cousin skipped town and headed to Virginia with some girl. I laughed thinking he heard it wrong or something. Considering his memory, I wouldn't put it past him.
Once mom got home from Indian Hill I asked her what in the world really was going on. Sure enough my cousin, Kimberly, left town Friday afternoon with a friend from high school, hopped onto a greyhound bus, and road to Richmond, Virginia. The girl is 19 also, so I asked what the big deal was, because in my eyes she could set her own ways as she darn well pleased. Come to find out, they were leaving out oooooone major detail... She went up there to meet a 25 year old man she met on the internet.
Which leads me to beleive, I'm one of the few sane people left in my family.
Well, now the friend that she left with, has come back home. Kimberly stayed in Virginia with plans to marry this so called "man of her dreams" and live happily ever after..

Safe? don't think so
Cool? not the slightest bit.. neither of them
Smart? not so much
Completely off the wall.. you got it, dude!

may this saga continue!